{"id":20824,"date":"2015-05-14T19:00:15","date_gmt":"2015-05-14T16:00:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/e-marineeducation.com\/tr\/?p=20824"},"modified":"2015-05-14T21:00:49","modified_gmt":"2015-05-14T18:00:49","slug":"cok-cahilsin-keske-kadin-olsan","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/e-marineeducation.com\/tr\/cok-cahilsin-keske-kadin-olsan\/","title":{"rendered":"\u00c7ok Cahilsin; Ke\u015fke Kad\u0131n Olsan!"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Beg\u00fcmKi\u015fisel geli\u015fim kitaplar\u0131 okumay\u0131 \u00e7ok severim. Evrensel \u00e7ekim kanunundan tutun da\u00a0meleklerle konu\u015fmaya<\/span><\/em>, NLP, EFT gibi bilimsel ve spirit\u00fcel tekniklere a\u00e7\u0131\u011f\u0131m. Hi\u00e7bir ki\u015fiyi ve d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceyi garipsemedi\u011fim gibi, kitab\u0131 okur; birka\u00e7 g\u00fcn hayat\u0131ma uygular; sonra unuturum. Yine ba\u015f\u0131ma k\u00f6t\u00fc bir \u015fey geldi\u011finde umutsuzlu\u011fa kap\u0131l\u0131r; sinirlenir; hatta bazen k\u00fcf\u00fcr de ederim. Aaa bir bayana k\u00fcf\u00fcr etmek hi\u00e7 yak\u0131\u015fm\u0131yor de\u011fil mi? Yak\u0131\u015fmaz tabi; ucuz g\u00f6sterir seni. Sigara i\u00e7mek de yak\u0131\u015fmaz mesela kad\u0131na;\u00a0basit kad\u0131nm\u0131\u015f gibi g\u00f6sterir. \u0130\u015fte b\u00f6yledir; kad\u0131nsan e\u011fer bir kelime k\u00fcf\u00fcr, bir dal sigara seni yaftalamaya yeterlidir.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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Ki\u015fisel geli\u015fim derken, toplumsal gerilim yaratt\u0131m. Tebrikler bana. Neyse… Benim diyece\u011fim baz\u0131lar\u0131 ibadet ederek mutlu olur; baz\u0131lar\u0131 \u00e7ok \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131p ba\u015far\u0131l\u0131 olarak. Baz\u0131s\u0131 a\u015f\u0131k olur; a\u015fk b\u00f6ce\u011fi olur. Hayat\u0131n\u0131 tek bir ki\u015fiye endeksler; o gidince d\u00fcnyas\u0131 tepe taklak olur. Ama konumuz bu de\u011fil.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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Kitap okumay\u0131 oldum olas\u0131 severdim de ki\u015fisel geli\u015fim tarz\u0131na Aykut O\u011fut<\/span><\/em>\u2019un “Evrenden Torpilim Var<\/em>” kitab\u0131yla ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. O kitapla fark ettim ki ikili ili\u015fkilerinden tutun arkada\u015f ili\u015fkilerinde dahi aldat\u0131lan ben, bu ger\u00e7ekleri hayat\u0131ma kendim \u00e7ekmi\u015fim. \u0130nsanlar\u0131n g\u00fcvenilmez oldu\u011funu kafama kodlayan da bendim; g\u00fcvenilmez insanlar\u0131 hayat\u0131ma \u00e7eken de. Bu inanc\u0131m\u0131 de\u011fi\u015ftirmedik\u00e7e hayat kar\u015f\u0131ma hep g\u00fcvenilmez insanlar\u0131 \u00e7\u0131karacakt\u0131. Ve \u00f6yle de oldu. 3 senelik<\/span><\/em> ili\u015fkimin nas\u0131l bitti\u011fini az \u00e7ok tahmin edersiniz. Ama konumuz bu da de\u011fil.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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\u0130\u015fte ne diyordum… O kitab\u0131n ard\u0131ndan elime bu konuyla ilgili ne ge\u00e7erse okudum. Hani bir kitap olsun, bana bir c\u00fcmle s\u00f6ylesin, t\u00fcm hayat\u0131m de\u011fi\u015fsin umuduyla. Osho\u2019lar m\u0131 okumad\u0131m, tasavvufta a\u015fk\u0131 m\u0131 aramad\u0131m, nefes egzersizleri, meleklerle konu\u015fmak, \u00e7akralar\u0131n\u0131 a\u00e7mak, orana burana garip garip vurmak, her \u015feyi herkesi secretlamak mesela. Kendimden \u0131\u015f\u0131k y\u0131l\u0131 uzakta kendimi arad\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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Bu yaz\u0131y\u0131 ilk g\u00f6nderdi\u011fim insan, dostum, meslekta\u015f\u0131m, 15 g\u00fcn i\u00e7inde kimsenin bilmedi\u011fi hayallerimi payla\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m insanla tan\u0131\u015fmam\u0131z da b\u00f6yle bir kitap okurken oldu. \u00d6nce kitab\u0131n ad\u0131n\u0131 be\u011fenmedi, sonra yazar\u0131n\u0131, sonra i\u00e7eri\u011fini. \u00d6nyarg\u0131<\/em><\/span> dolu sorular\u0131yla \u00e7\u0131ld\u0131rtt\u0131 beni adeta. S\u00f6ylemeden ge\u00e7mek istemiyorum; bu kitab\u0131n yazar\u0131 d\u00fcnyaca \u00fcnl\u00fc bir yazar, ya\u015fam ko\u00e7u ve hani \u015fu Best Seller<\/span><\/em> dedi\u011fimiz kitaplar\u0131n yazarlar\u0131ndand\u0131. Kitab\u0131n iyili\u011fi ya da k\u00f6t\u00fcl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc de\u011fildi zaten can\u0131m\u0131 s\u0131kan; her kitaptan \u00f6\u011frenilecek \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131lacak bir\u00e7ok tecr\u00fcbe vard\u0131r muhakkak. Mesela ben sizin \u2018Kezban\u2019 dedi\u011finiz Pucca<\/span><\/em>\u2019dan bile \u015fahane \u015feyler \u00f6\u011frendim, en az\u0131ndan mutlu oldum, g\u00fcld\u00fcm, yetmez mi?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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Bu tart\u0131\u015fman\u0131n ard\u0131ndan diyemedim ki: “Ben asl\u0131nda \u00e7ok mutsuzum, kitap bahane, o kitab\u0131n verece\u011fi bir tavsiyeye bir c\u00fcmleye muhtac\u0131m. Yoksa kendimi k\u0131rlang\u0131\u00e7tan ataca\u011f\u0131m<\/span><\/em>” diyemedim. Evet, do\u011fru duydunuz. Ben bir gemide \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorum. O zamanlar bilmiyordum \u00fcz\u00fclmek hepimizin hissedebilece\u011fi bir duygu ve bazen buna engel olamay\u0131z. Ama bu duygulara ne kadar saplan\u0131p kalaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131z tamamen bizim se\u00e7imimiz. Ve mutluluk bir olaya, bir \u015farta, yahut bir ki\u015fiye ba\u011fl\u0131 olmamal\u0131. Mutluluk tamamen i\u00e7sel bir olay. Bu aralarda ya\u015fad\u0131klar\u0131ma, bunu nas\u0131l anlad\u0131\u011f\u0131ma veya nas\u0131l iyile\u015fti\u011fime hi\u00e7 girmeyece\u011fim \u015fimdi. Benim as\u0131l s\u00f6z\u00fc getirmek istedi\u011fim farkl\u0131yd\u0131. Laf laf\u0131 a\u00e7t\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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Ki\u015fisel geli\u015fim demi\u015ftim. Aykut O\u011fut\u2019tan bahsettim. \u0130nternet ortam\u0131ndaki payla\u015f\u0131mlar\u0131 bana biraz yapay geldi. Ama kitaplar\u0131n\u0131 \u015fiddetle tavsiye ederim. \u00c7ok samimi. Hatta en samimisi. Arkada\u015f\u0131nla dertle\u015fir gibi yazmak b\u00f6yle olsa gerek dedirtti. Ki ben yazmay\u0131 \u00e7ok isteyip bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc beceremeyen insana bile yeniden yazmak i\u00e7in ilham verdi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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Son ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m kitab\u0131n\u0131n ad\u0131 Ke\u015fke Kad\u0131n Olsam<\/span><\/em>. R\u00f6portaj\u0131n\u0131 izlemi\u015ftim, kendi do\u011fmam\u0131\u015f k\u0131z\u0131na yazar gibi yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6ylemi\u015fti. En \u00e7ok etkilendi\u011fim nokta, “Kad\u0131nlar\u0131n kendilerine bunlar\u0131n yap\u0131lmas\u0131na izin vermelerine daha fazla dayanamad\u0131m<\/span><\/em>” demi\u015fti. Bir erkek kendi a\u011fz\u0131yla yaz\u0131yor ve “Ke\u015fke kad\u0131n olsam.” diyordu. Kitab\u0131m\u0131n ismini g\u00f6ren her erkek bunu tabiki geyi\u011fe vurdu. \u2018K\u0131r\u0131k m\u0131 bu adam?\u2019 ya da \u2018Ee olsun madem kad\u0131n, kim tutuyormu\u015f onu ki?\u2019 \u015feklinde. “Yok, asl\u0131nda anlatmak istedi\u011fi farkl\u0131ym\u0131\u015f<\/em>” diye savunmaya ge\u00e7tim okumadan. Sonra bir \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131da okudum kitab\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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Be\u011fenmesine be\u011fendim, \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc ben de orada s\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc etti\u011fi kad\u0131nlardan biriyim. Bir gemide 3. Kaptan<\/span><\/em> olarak \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorum. Erkek egemen bir meslek, fiziksel g\u00fc\u00e7 ve duygusal dayan\u0131kl\u0131l\u0131k istiyor. Yan\u0131nda \u00f6zlemi, yorgunlu\u011fu, yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131 cabas\u0131. B\u00fcy\u00fck bir duygusal denge i\u015fi asl\u0131nda. Ki bu dengeyi sa\u011flayabilmi\u015f hem cinslerim var m\u0131d\u0131r; tabi ki de var. Bu mesle\u011fi sonuna kadar lay\u0131\u011f\u0131yla yapan, ve olacak da. Yoksa siz hala kad\u0131nlar\u0131n yapamayaca\u011f\u0131 bir \u015feyler oldu\u011funu mu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyorsunuz?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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Bu meslekteki as\u0131l zorluk duygusall\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131, yani kad\u0131n olarak bizi biz yapan en ulvi \u00f6zelli\u011fimizi terk etmemiz asl\u0131nda. Erkek gibi dur, erkek gibi y\u00fcr\u00fc. K\u0131z gibi g\u00fclme tad\u0131nda. Kendimiz olamayacaksak bu hayat\u0131 ya\u015faman\u0131n ne anlam\u0131 var ki? “O zaman bu mesle\u011fi se\u00e7meseydin<\/em><\/span>” diyorlar. Evet; o da kendi se\u00e7imimdi, ama ben \u015fuan durup d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyor ve kendim olmay\u0131 se\u00e7iyorum. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc kendimi b\u00f6yle seviyorum. Art\u0131k seviyorum yani…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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Neyse gelelim kitab\u0131 bitirdi\u011fim geceye. Bir meslekta\u015f\u0131ma tekrar ve tekrar kitab\u0131n sand\u0131\u011f\u0131 gibi bir anlam ta\u015f\u0131mad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, yazar\u0131n evli ve kar\u0131s\u0131na a\u015f\u0131k bir adam oldu\u011funu anlatmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordum. \u00d6zetle, kad\u0131nlar\u0131n ne kadar \u00fcst\u00fcn \u00f6zellikleri varken, erkeklerin kendilerine neden b\u00f6yle davranmas\u0131na izin verdiklerini, kendilerinin neden mecbur hissettiklerini anlat\u0131yor dedim. Bu \u00e7a\u011fda hala evde kalma korkusunun nas\u0131l varolabildi\u011fini a\u00e7\u0131kl\u0131yor diyordum. Bu arada benim evim olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131na g\u00f6re ben de gemide kalaca\u011f\u0131m anla\u015f\u0131lan. Hadi hay\u0131rl\u0131s\u0131 bakal\u0131m. Ben g\u00fczelce kitab\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131klarken, kan\u0131m\u0131 donduran o s\u00f6zleri s\u00f6yledi bir anda. “Ama yani kad\u0131nlar\u0131n ger\u00e7ekten ne \u00fcst\u00fcnl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc olabilir ki? Tamam sen kitab\u0131 okudun diye gaza gelmi\u015f olabilirsin, ama kad\u0131nlar asla erkeklerden \u00fcst\u00fcn olamaz<\/span>“<\/em>\u00a0dedi. Sinirimden titredim. Ama hep b\u00f6yle olurum, bir\u015fey diyemem, hem biraz p\u0131s\u0131r\u0131k oldu\u011fumdan, hem aman insanlarla aram bozulmas\u0131n diye. “Ama \u00f6yle de\u011fil i\u015fte<\/span><\/em>” diyebildim. Hepimizin birbirimizden farkl\u0131 \u00f6zelliklerimiz var. Savunmaya bak!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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Siz \u00e7ok muhte\u015femsiniz sanki. Hayat\u0131n\u0131zda kad\u0131n olmadan nas\u0131l b\u00fcy\u00fcr, yeti\u015firdiniz \u00e7ok merak ediyorum. D\u00f6n\u00fcp “Mesela ben senden daha ak\u0131ll\u0131y\u0131m can\u0131s\u0131<\/span><\/em>” demek istedim. Her t\u00fcrl\u00fc yar\u0131\u015fa var\u0131m. Ama demedim tabi. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc insan sadece emin olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u015feyleri ispatlamaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131r. Ama bu insan toplumda, evde, okulda b\u00f6yle g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc. \u00dcst\u00fcn cins, k\u0131ymetli evlat olarak yeti\u015fmi\u015fti belli ki. Kad\u0131n ona g\u00f6re evde oturur, \u00e7ok para kazanmaz, erkek eve bakar. Demek ki yan\u0131mda gibi durdu\u011fu her an benden nas\u0131l \u00fcst\u00fcn oldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc. Ben \u00fcz\u00fcl\u00fcp a\u011flarken, “k\u0131z i\u015fte<\/span><\/em>” demi\u015fti i\u00e7inden. Yani duygusal olmam bir defoydu, bir zay\u0131fl\u0131k bir ay\u0131pt\u0131 adeta. Ki yine kitaptan al\u0131nt\u0131 yapaca\u011f\u0131m. Hissedebilmek, hissetmeye sonuna kadar izin vermek ve bu sayede daha derin alg\u0131lamakt\u0131r demi\u015fti kitapta duygusall\u0131\u011f\u0131n tan\u0131m\u0131na. Yani ben hi\u00e7bir \u015fey hissetmiyorum burda derken duygusalla\u015famam\u0131n patlamas\u0131n\u0131 ya\u015f\u0131yormu\u015fum. Bu kitap sayesinde fark ettim. Arada derim zaten odunum ben biraz diye. Erkek gibi ol, g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc durdan anlad\u0131\u011f\u0131m, hissetmemekmi\u015f me\u011fersem. Ama ya\u015faman\u0131n tek amac\u0131 kendin olmak olmal\u0131, t\u00fcm yolculuklar kendini tan\u0131maya yap\u0131lmal\u0131. Ve t\u00fcm ad\u0131mlar sevgiyle at\u0131lmal\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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\u015eimdi politik olup erkeklere burdan sevgiler g\u00f6ndermek isterim. \u0130yileri yok mu? M\u00fckemmelleri var. Ama erkekler mant\u0131k ise, biz duyguyuz kabul edelim. Ve ben asla pozitif ayr\u0131mc\u0131l\u0131k istemedim. Kitapta kad\u0131n\u0131n ne kadar \u00fcst\u00fcn oldu\u011fu anlat\u0131lm\u0131\u015f, bunlar\u0131 kimseye dayatmad\u0131m. Benim istedi\u011fim bizi kabul edin. Anneler o\u011flunuza adam olmay\u0131 \u00f6\u011fretin. Erkek \u00e7ocuk bakkala gider; k\u0131z \u00e7ocuk sofray\u0131 haz\u0131rlar tad\u0131nda olmas\u0131n hayatlar. Kad\u0131nlar\u0131 sevin. Ba\u015f tac\u0131 edin. B\u0131rak\u0131n hayat onlarla aks\u0131n. Bunca okudu\u011fum kitapta en \u00e7ok kendime verdi\u011fim s\u00f6z, “Asla ba\u011f\u0131ml\u0131 olma.<\/span><\/em>” oldu. Kad\u0131nlar ba\u011f\u0131ml\u0131 olmay\u0131n. Evde kalmaktan korkmay\u0131n ki huzurun olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 hi\u00e7bir yer eviniz olmayacak.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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Bu olanlar, ya\u015fananlar, \u00f6l\u00fcmler, tecav\u00fczler, kan donduran olaylar bir yana, tek bir c\u00fcmleye verdi\u011fim tepki bile bug\u00fcne kadar ya\u015fan\u0131lanlara dur demeli dedirtiyor. Ke\u015fke erkek olsak da bir kad\u0131na nas\u0131l davran\u0131l\u0131r g\u00f6stersek. Ve ke\u015fke kad\u0131n olsan\u0131z da bize neler yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 bir g\u00f6rebilseniz . \u00c7ok \u015fey istemiyoruz beyler, biraz empati, biraz da sayg\u0131 sadece.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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Beg\u00fcm Olut<\/strong><\/p>\n

Uzakyol Vardiya Zabiti<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ki\u015fisel geli\u015fim kitaplar\u0131 okumay\u0131 \u00e7ok severim. Evrensel \u00e7ekim kanunundan tutun da\u00a0meleklerle konu\u015fmaya, NLP, EFT gibi bilimsel ve spirit\u00fcel tekniklere a\u00e7\u0131\u011f\u0131m. Hi\u00e7bir ki\u015fiyi ve d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceyi garipsemedi\u011fim gibi, kitab\u0131 okur; birka\u00e7 g\u00fcn hayat\u0131ma uygular; sonra unuturum. Yine ba\u015f\u0131ma k\u00f6t\u00fc bir \u015fey geldi\u011finde umutsuzlu\u011fa kap\u0131l\u0131r; sinirlenir; hatta bazen k\u00fcf\u00fcr de ederim. Aaa bir bayana k\u00fcf\u00fcr etmek hi\u00e7 yak\u0131\u015fm\u0131yor …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":20827,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_bbp_topic_count":0,"_bbp_reply_count":0,"_bbp_total_topic_count":0,"_bbp_total_reply_count":0,"_bbp_voice_count":0,"_bbp_anonymous_reply_count":0,"_bbp_topic_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_reply_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_forum_subforum_count":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[3294,562],"class_list":["post-20824","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","","category-kose-yazilari","tag-begum-olut-yazilari","tag-kadin"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n\u00c7ok Cahilsin; Ke\u015fke Kad\u0131n Olsan! - e-MarineEducation.com<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Uzakyol Vardiya Zabiti Beg\u00fcm Olut'un kaleminden kad\u0131n-erkek ayr\u0131mc\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 ile ilgili yaz\u0131d\u0131r.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/e-marineeducation.com\/tr\/cok-cahilsin-keske-kadin-olsan\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"tr_TR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"\u00c7ok Cahilsin; Ke\u015fke Kad\u0131n Olsan! 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